33. Visibility and success for highly sensitive people with Lola Pickett
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SUMMARY
Right now our world could use more emotionally attuned leaders. From being able to see things others can’t see to being highly attuned to others’ needs, these individuals have rare gifts. So why is it that highly sensitive people have a hard time being visible?
That’s the topic of conversation on today’s episode with Lola Pickett. Through her courses and programs, Lola empowers empaths and sensitive folk to rewire their brains, bodies, and behavior for internal and external and external resilience, shifting from self repression to soul expression.
ON THIS EPISODE LOLA AND INDIA DISCUSS:
What a highly sensitive person is;
The difference between an highly sensitive person and an empath;
Why highly sensitive people have a fear of being seen, being powerful, or being successful;
Why we can benefit from more sensitive leaders; and
Ways to stop fearing success and how to embrace sensitivity.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Empaths are a subset of highly sensitive people — those who process emotions, sounds, and sites more deeply into their nervous system.
As a highly sensitive person you must continue to question your fears by asking: What’s my motivation for this?
The American Dream is outdated. Real success should be measured by whether you can be proud of the legacy you’re leaving behind.
Highly sensitive people often have a greater fear of visibility because of how they think they will be perceived when they come into more power.
Money and power doesn’t change who you are. It makes you more of who you are.
QUOTED
LOLA PICKETT
“If there’s something inside of us that doesn’t feel safe with that next level of visibility, we are going to protect ourselves from it in some way.”
“As highly sensitive people, we can end up focusing on looking for the next thing without recognizing there are things right in front of us we don’t see.”
“If you never stop growing, the fear will never go away.”
“Perfectionism is one of the ways I see a lot of sensitive people protecting themselves from success.”
“How we see our life is how we live our life.”
“So many people have tried to achieve the American Dream and it’s felt empty. It’s not because we have something wrong with us. It’s the wrong dream for so many people.”
“Success and readiness are feelings, not facts.”
“Be like that mountain, like that Sequoia tree. Be rooted in your truth and your integrity and your values.”
INDIA JACKSON
“People who see themselves as highly sensitive people can be afraid of success because of the stories we have about what success needs to mean.”
“Allyship has been mixed up as the idea that you have to edit yourself.”
What is a highly sensitive person?
Approximately 20% of the population are highly sensitive people (HSP). Lola describes these people as those who process emotions, sounds, and sites more deeply into their nervous system. Because they absorb more data, they tend to experience more overwhelm.
Simply put, Lola introduces these people — herself included — as simply having a differently-abled skill set.
HSP and empaths are often terms used interchangeably, so India pressed Lola to distinguish between the two. Empaths are a subset of HSP. Their physiological sensitivity reaches their emotional realm.
Because of that, Lola says, they have a hard time differentiating between themselves and others, making it easier to connect with other people than themselves.
Fear of success
India mentions to Lola that she suspects many HSP fear being seen or powerful. Lola confirms that and backs it up with the fact that because they are tuned into others’ thoughts, sensitivities, and emotions it can be debilitating to imagine how someone will react.
Lola says HSP don’t regularly push themselves to be seen; in fact, they don’t even see new opportunities.
That is because our nervous systems are wired to help us stay safe and when you’re taking in so much information, your body is translating overwhelm and anxiety as necessitating a fight or flight response. This, in turn, creates limiting beliefs about what we can handle.
But rather than waiting for everything to feel and appear safe, Lola suggests that we question our fear. Perfectionism, a trait she sees in many HSP, keeps us safe but also keeps us from success, constantly leaving us in cycles of procrastination.
Redefining success
In her own life, Lola says that understanding others’ emotions and motivations was always a way that she kept herself safe.
While we have a tendency to only see the patterns we are used to or expecting, to be successful we must practice seeing things differently. This means looking at situations and asking: What’s here for me? Can I learn something from it?
If there’s one thing India and Lola agree on it’s that we don’t manifest everything in our lives.
Ten years ago Lola’s life looked perfect from the outside: white picket fence, married to her college sweetheart, a job in marketing at a beauty company, and a healthy 10-month old soon. But inside she was depressed and unsatisfied, causing her to believe there was something wrong with her.
One day a Facebook post shook her to her core. It read: All parents are liars. They tell their children they can be anything they want to be when they grow up and they go about killing their own dreams all the time.
Lola realized she had to shift her perception to truly experience happiness and joy. This made her see that the American dream — built on productivity and seeing humans as machines — doesn’t work for many people.
Now, to her, Lola defines success as being able to do a life review at any moment and say, “This is my life and I’ve made it my own.”
Showing up as a sensitive leader
So many HSP know they’re meant for more but are hiding. Lola says that for those of us who are HSP we need to practice resiliency.
But resiliency doesn’t mean mental toughness or living like a machine. It means being equipped to deal with all of life — the good, the bad, and the in between.
Without good marketing you aren’t going to get your message out there and connect with your audience. But if you don’t also have internal resilience to see yourself through your growth that marketing is going to fall short.
Lola’s framework describes a pyramid of resiliency that includes: nervous system resilience, sensory resilience, boundary resilience, visibility and success resilience, and relationship resilience.
Lola explains that success and readiness are feelings, not facts. This brought up, to India, the fact that when you stand in your power it’s a gift to everyone surrounding you.
They agree that money and power doesn’t normally change how successful people are. It makes them more of who they are.
Lola urges us to redefine power by looking at non-human power such as ancient mountains or giant Sequoia trees. This isn’t power over something, but rather the power of presence. They aren’t trying to be anything they’re not, which is a huge sigh of relief for those of us who feel all the feels.
The gifts of sensitivity
HSP have many incredible gifts, one of which being that we can see the unseen. We can see what’s coming, which makes us incredibly well suited for leadership.
The downside to this is that we can fall in love with someone’s potential.
Lola’s biggest tip for any HSP is to always ask yourself: What do I need right now?
Because we are hardwired to tune into others’ needs, we must routinely use this prompt to turn our attention back to ourselves.
YOUR ACTION FOR THIS EPISODE
CHECK OUT LOLA’S PODCAST: EMPATH TO POWER, EPISODE 40
BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL WITH INDIA TO DISCUSS YOUR NEXT BEST STEP