20. What is liminal space and why it's important to your growth with Rebecca Ching
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SUMMARY
Ever feel like you’re caught in the in-between? You were at point A, and you want to get to point B, but you’re not there yet. You’re not at either A or B. You’re somewhere in between, and it’s not a comfortable place to be. No, I’m not talking about the Twilight Zone, nor am I talking about this coronavirus-quarantine limbo. Believe it or not, this episode was recorded pre-COVID, even though its message is timely for this situation.
India’s guest today is Rebecca Ching, a certified leadership coach, a psychotherapist, and host of The Unburdened Leadership Podcast. She’s CEO and founder of Potentia Family Therapy and a writer and speaker who helps leaders navigate curveballs, identify blind spots, and tolerate the vulnerability of growth.
Today Rebecca and India discuss where real growth happens. It might sound like a bit of a downer, sort of anti-climactic, but it happens in what Rebecca calls the “liminal spaces,” those in-between times. The liminal spaces are characterized by self-doubt and a lack of confidence. Not exactly a fun-sounding place to be. But with some curiosity and a willing to explore those negative feelings, you’ll find that the liminal spaces are fertile ground for growth.
Rebecca explains that if we believe we can follow a three-step plan to transform our lives, we’ve been sold a bill of goods. Anyone who is selling an easy-growth plan is setting others up for disappointment…or worse. And if we think we will have “arrived” when we reach a certain goal, we’re wrong again.
The truth is that the path to personal transformation is seldom linear. There are bends and twists, and we often have to conquer the same demons multiple times. Rebecca reminds us that we will arrive when we breathe our last breath. Until then, we’re on a journey with touch points and milestones to meet, interspersed with liminal spaces, which is where the heavy-lifting occurs.
We can’t experience transformation and have better lives if we don’t give incredible respect to the in-between struggle.
Your Action For This Episode
Get curious about your negative feelings — self-doubt, nervousness, irritation, shame, disappointment, etc.
Consider
[0:09:51] What liminal space is and why it’s an uncomfortable place to be.
[0:13:23] The signs that you might be in an in-between space: losing your confidence, questioning why you’ve taken on something new, feel more anxiety, engage in self-criticism
[0:14:45] Why we need to normalize the growth struggle.
[0:15:31] The gift of the liminal space
[0:16:31] That hesitation (and other internal warning signs) is data, something to pay attention to
[0:19:22] The “gold” is in the in-between.
[0:20:49] How our family of origin impacts how we deal with the in-between times
[0:21:50] Why the rebranding process is an introspective, often emotional experience
[0:28:43] That we don’t really leave the past behind, but we can integrate from there
[0:31:16] Liminal space, the in-between, is circular.
[0:32:29] We often confuse transformation and arriving
[0:36:14] Leadership is the energy you bring to a room. Leadership begins with leading yourself.
[0:39:26] How a trauma-informed, unburdened leader behaves towards him/herself and others
[0:43:36] Curiosity is a great first step in moving towards transformation
Quotes
“We need to increase our capacity for vulnerability – Brené Brown defines it as risk uncertainty and emotional exposure – but vulnerability is dangerous to our brains. So we need to increase our capacity for difficult emotion and the unknown until we build the new neural networks in our brain of ‘I got this new thing.’” – Rebecca
“The gift of the liminal space is it will show us things that we thought were resolved that we need to pay attention to.” – Rebecca
“A whole other layer is branding yourself in a way that fully steps into these things that maybe were not front-facing before. The stance of ‘we’re anti this’ or ‘we’re for this’ is kind of scary too.” – India
“We arrive when we breathe our last breath, but we can have milestones and growth edges and touchstones and accomplishments we’ve put along the way that are aligned with meaning and purpose and growth and healing.” – Rebecca
“Many, many of our listeners see themselves as leaders or are leaders and just don’t know it yet.” – India
“Anyone who walks into a room impacts that room. It’s the physics of our energy. That’s a leader. How do you want to impact that room? Literally, our presence has impact, and we lead through our presence. If you shift our mindset there, we can own that power we have.” -- Rebecca
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